The Ten I Love You's

There should be a translation guide to I love you's, because there are literally fifty billion different types of them.

Off the top of my head, here are a few:



1) “I luv u!”

This form of ILY is a casual, relaxed, and almost awkward way to say it. You would usually use it when commenting on someone's status that you are kind of friends with, but only talk to for about three minutes a week.


Example:

John was eating ice cream but spilled it on his shirt! His FAVORITE shirt!

Comments:

Aaron: Wow, dude, remember, next time, the ice cream goes in your MOUTH, not your SHIRT.

Sarah: Haha! Aaron! I luv u!






2) “I luv ya!”
Love ya is the proverbial smack in the face response to “I love you.” If you tell the person you’re dating (or think you’re dating, or want to date) I love you, and they respond “Thanks! Luv ya too!” RUN. Go to the store, buy a gallon of ice cream, and CRY, because you’re screwed. Luv ya is what you tell your cousin that you never talk to except at funerals and weddings.



3) “Iluvzyooooooooooooooooou”
Luvz with a z could have two meanings. One, a less harsh, more toned down version of “Iluvya!” or two, someone has the mental capacity of a six year old when it comes to being mushy and romantic. (Oh, gee….hmmmm)



4) “ILY”
ILY is what you tell your best friend, usually followed by “LAS” ILYLAS!!!! But then your mom started yelling at you to clean up your My Little Pony dolls, so you had to get off the computer. Either that or you’re lazy, busy, or obsessed with acronyms. All of which you should work on, because all are bad.



5) “I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
This is usually used for excitement purposes only, not a profession of true feelings.

Example:
*Sam texts you* “Hey, I have to work overtime on Friday, so I can’t go to the concert. Do you want my front row tickets to see Coldplay Live?”
You: OMG YES I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


6) “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.”
No, just…don’t. If someone says this to you, they either
A) Listen to 50 Cent
Solution: RUN

B) Have ZERO imagination or creativity
Solution: RUN

C) Don't really love you that much, but have to compare it to something. The only way “I love you like _______.” or “I love you more than _______.” works is if it’s something REALLY important to them. Otherwise, they’re being lame.


7) “I love you :)”
That smiley face is usually your kiss of death. If your IM conversation goes like this:
You: I want to tell you something I’ve been hiding for a while.
Them: What? Do you love me or something? :P
You: Haha….um….what?
Them: Well, I hope so, because I love you. :)

then find person in example number two, ask them to share their ice cream with you, and watch a romantic comedy with them. Hopefully you two will be of opposite sex and hit it off in your mutual loneliness. You’re welcome. Invite me to the wedding.


8) Slight rule of thumb: Any time anyone leaves off the word “I” it usually means they just ain’t feelin’ ya, but don’t want to break your heart. Just sayin’


Actually, anytime anyone changes the spelling of "love" and adds/changes/intentionally misspells words, you're usually screwed. Examples include: luv, luvz, luff, and lurve.


9) “Aw, don’t be that way! You know I love you”
This does not mean they love you. If someone says this to you, DO NOT respond
“Really? You do? Because I love you too…I’ve loved you for so long…..” because the typical response to this will be, “Ummmmmmm……………………….as a sister? You’re really cute? You’ll find a great person some day?” (Which means, “Just please, for the love of God, do NOT think it’s going to be me!”)


10) “I love you.”
ALWAYS CHECK FOR A PERIOD BEFORE DECLARING YOUR LOVE FOR SOMEONE. If they make it a single sentence, you’re safe. Your life is good, go buy a ring. (Naturally, people, I’m kidding!!!) But seriously, if someone makes a single sentence saying “I love you.” chances are pretty high it’s in a different way than 1-9.



That being said, I love you all. Like a fat kid loves cake. :)