Why I Am Single

IT JUST IT ME EVERYONE.

The real, true, honest to goodness reason I am single.

You know all those "send this to eleven people in twenty minutes or you will have a doomed love life for twelve years" forwards?

I always respond "psssh, whatever," and then promptly delete them.

THIS IS WHY I AM SINGLE AND FAIL IN RELATIONSHIPS

I DON'T FORWARD MESSAGES.

FORWARD, OR ELSE!!!!!!


;)

Politics

I've got a few things to say about politics. Please note that this is simply my opinion and ranting, it is not intended to spark a debate, nor offend anyone. It's just a few things I'd like to get off my chest, and a few hypocrisies I'd like to point out.

*deep breath*

Let's go.


First off, I have recently placed myself in a situation where I am forced to hear both sides of issues. I blame all those years of debate for forcing me to search out both sides. (It's Twitter, by the way, get one! Follow @asilannax. We'll be better friends because of it, I promise.)

Now, the main issue:

Obama is not evil.

Obama is not God.

Obama is a man.

He might have sneaky, underhanded intentions (who are we to know for sure?) or he might just be an inexperienced, stupid "kid" with too much power.

I'm just tired of hearing Obama trashed about the stupidest things. I agree his policies as a whole could ruin our nation, but how he shakes someone's hand isn't. Rest assured that I am in no way an Obama supporter, I rallied against him strongly during the election process in every way possible. However, weren't the Republicans the ones saying, "even if you agree with Bush's policies or not, he's still our president and it's your duty as an American to respect him." All right, fine. Take your own advice for once. Don't talk about how hypocritical the other side is when you are as well. That's hypocrisy at its finest. Did I think Bush was the best president our nation has ever seen? No. No, I did not. He certainly was not. However, if you look at his reign as president, our nation suffered the greatest terrorist attack it's ever seen in his first term. He dealt with it in a way he thought fit, and America agreed with him. His second term brought about one of the worst natural disasters the United States has seen. Bush wasn’t a perfect president, and he made a lot of mistakes, but he did get a lousy rap from the media. By his second term, I was not a Bush supporter, but I think he handled the war perfectly at the beginning, and gave America just what they asked for.

Now on to a big hot spot in my book, this would be Fox News. OHMIGOD THE HORROR I JUST LOST FIVE FRIENDS! However, since this post promised to be honest, I will be. I’m so tired of conservatives sitting around lambasting CNN and NBC for being “biased.” Yes, they think Obama is the Savior. Accept it. Fox News thinks he’s the anti-Christ. There’re biases everywhere, you just don’t see it when someone agrees with you. Argue and worry about Obama’s policies, and where he’s taking this country, not if he is “trying to hide Jesus,” or “BFF with dictators.” This whole blown-out of proportion handshake deal pisses me off to no end. I agree there is something sneaky about Obama that seems slightly scary, but being overly paranoid and freaking out over his every move is not the answer. I have seen more ridiculous theories on Fox News than on any other news station ever. “Is Obama purposefully hiding images of Jesus?” (Mike Huckabee’s response, “We have bigger things to worry about here.” Finally, someone with some sense here.) “Did Time magazine purposefully try to make Sarah Palin look ugly?” (Seriously, guys? SERIOUSLY?!) Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the way Fox usually tries to show both sides, but for the main part, the rest of their coverage is focusing so hard on being so negative that it’s nauseating. I challenge Fox fans to watch the opposing side for a week, read political blogs from both sides, talk with people who don’t agree with you. Try to find out as much as you can about your “opponent,” not so you can defeat them, but simply so you can learn something. Ultimately, go with your own convictions and beliefs, but don’t follow whatever is shoved down your throat by any news station.

The Ten I Love You's

There should be a translation guide to I love you's, because there are literally fifty billion different types of them.

Off the top of my head, here are a few:



1) “I luv u!”

This form of ILY is a casual, relaxed, and almost awkward way to say it. You would usually use it when commenting on someone's status that you are kind of friends with, but only talk to for about three minutes a week.


Example:

John was eating ice cream but spilled it on his shirt! His FAVORITE shirt!

Comments:

Aaron: Wow, dude, remember, next time, the ice cream goes in your MOUTH, not your SHIRT.

Sarah: Haha! Aaron! I luv u!






2) “I luv ya!”
Love ya is the proverbial smack in the face response to “I love you.” If you tell the person you’re dating (or think you’re dating, or want to date) I love you, and they respond “Thanks! Luv ya too!” RUN. Go to the store, buy a gallon of ice cream, and CRY, because you’re screwed. Luv ya is what you tell your cousin that you never talk to except at funerals and weddings.



3) “Iluvzyooooooooooooooooou”
Luvz with a z could have two meanings. One, a less harsh, more toned down version of “Iluvya!” or two, someone has the mental capacity of a six year old when it comes to being mushy and romantic. (Oh, gee….hmmmm)



4) “ILY”
ILY is what you tell your best friend, usually followed by “LAS” ILYLAS!!!! But then your mom started yelling at you to clean up your My Little Pony dolls, so you had to get off the computer. Either that or you’re lazy, busy, or obsessed with acronyms. All of which you should work on, because all are bad.



5) “I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
This is usually used for excitement purposes only, not a profession of true feelings.

Example:
*Sam texts you* “Hey, I have to work overtime on Friday, so I can’t go to the concert. Do you want my front row tickets to see Coldplay Live?”
You: OMG YES I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


6) “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.”
No, just…don’t. If someone says this to you, they either
A) Listen to 50 Cent
Solution: RUN

B) Have ZERO imagination or creativity
Solution: RUN

C) Don't really love you that much, but have to compare it to something. The only way “I love you like _______.” or “I love you more than _______.” works is if it’s something REALLY important to them. Otherwise, they’re being lame.


7) “I love you :)”
That smiley face is usually your kiss of death. If your IM conversation goes like this:
You: I want to tell you something I’ve been hiding for a while.
Them: What? Do you love me or something? :P
You: Haha….um….what?
Them: Well, I hope so, because I love you. :)

then find person in example number two, ask them to share their ice cream with you, and watch a romantic comedy with them. Hopefully you two will be of opposite sex and hit it off in your mutual loneliness. You’re welcome. Invite me to the wedding.


8) Slight rule of thumb: Any time anyone leaves off the word “I” it usually means they just ain’t feelin’ ya, but don’t want to break your heart. Just sayin’


Actually, anytime anyone changes the spelling of "love" and adds/changes/intentionally misspells words, you're usually screwed. Examples include: luv, luvz, luff, and lurve.


9) “Aw, don’t be that way! You know I love you”
This does not mean they love you. If someone says this to you, DO NOT respond
“Really? You do? Because I love you too…I’ve loved you for so long…..” because the typical response to this will be, “Ummmmmmm……………………….as a sister? You’re really cute? You’ll find a great person some day?” (Which means, “Just please, for the love of God, do NOT think it’s going to be me!”)


10) “I love you.”
ALWAYS CHECK FOR A PERIOD BEFORE DECLARING YOUR LOVE FOR SOMEONE. If they make it a single sentence, you’re safe. Your life is good, go buy a ring. (Naturally, people, I’m kidding!!!) But seriously, if someone makes a single sentence saying “I love you.” chances are pretty high it’s in a different way than 1-9.



That being said, I love you all. Like a fat kid loves cake. :)

Lie To Me

Last night was the premiere of a show I had been anticipating for quite some time, Lie To Me. It's pretty common knowledge in my social circle that I'm a geek for crime shows, with bias towards CSI (Las Vegas) and Dexter. I feel I can relate to the "lonely geniuses" of the world (please, do not take that as I'm calling myself a genius. I write about bacon, for goodness sake.) I love the Gil Grissoms and Dexter Morgans of the world, those who throw themselves into their work and often sacrifice personal joys for the common good. (I suppose you could loosely debate this with Dexter, but that's the general idea, so just go with the flow, okay?)

Tim Roth plays Cal Lightman, a similar lonely genius of the world. With a keen eye, incredibly impressive observation skills, and expert analysis of the human body language as a whole, he makes for a very interesting television character. While some might view him with awe, or prehaps jealousy, I almost felt bad for him. To quote the movie Spiderman, "With great power comes great responsibilty." It could be viewed as a curse to constantly know when people were being honest of dishonest. I am interested to see where they take that concept.


The entire cinematography of the show is fantastic. I love the close-ups and slow motion replays that help you "get inside" Lightman's head a little easier, to see the world how he sees it. The soundtrack fits quite well, which is quite a bit deal for me to say, actually. I also like the dialogue, I think the entie script flows well. It's humorous when it needs to be, but is able to be serious when the situation calls for it. Overall, I enjoyed the pilot very much, and it makes me excited for the future of this television show, as well as hope that it continues to raise the bar each week, and avoids cancellation. However, I feel that after the original "Whoa, that's so cool!" effect of this show wears off, it should have some serious character development, lest it becomes just another observant detective show that takes itself a little too seriously.

All in all, I'm looking forward to this show very much, and am excited about the future direction of Lie To Me. Here's hoping Fox won't play their "cancel an amazing show because we can" card. Assuming, of course, that it can live up to its pilot.

The BLT Desire

Let me start off by stating that I find the BLT to be one of mankind's greatest achievements. The combination of the bacon, with the toasted bread, and the crunchy lettuce. Mmmm.

As I stumbled into my kitchen this morning, I discovered that I had cooked a pound of bacon last night, and promptly forgotten about it. This, of course, started the desire for the BLT. I got out the bacon, the mustard, mayonnaise, cheese, lettu...wait. Where's the lettuce? We're out of lettuce. Okay, I'll survive. Now to just toast the bread.....where's the bread? We're out of bread.

Naturally, this upset me slightly more than the lettuce. You can have a BT, but without bread?! Eh, not so much. However, the BLT madness had struck. I. Needed. Bacon.

First, I placed a strip of bacon on the plate. Then I would cut off a piece of cheese and place it on the bacon. After that, I added a mustard / mayonnaise mixture to the top. Then I ate it. I refer to it as an "orgy in my mouth."

All in all, it was satisfying enough to rid me of my BLT desire, but not enough to replace the classics. However, clean up was a mess, and I am wiping off the counter I move a bag.....full of bread.

Forgiveness?

I'm sorry I'm a non-conformist. I'm sorry that threatened you. I'm sorry that I like weird music that isn't everyday commonplace. I'm sorry that I didn't want to watch your stupid, pointless movies with you. I'm sorry half of what I said were quotations from someone else. I'm sorry that you couldn't accept me for who I was without forcing me to be like you. I'm sorry that I was actually happy around you. I'm sorry that I couldn't wallow with you. I'm sorry that I wanted to get up and DO something, BE someone. I'm sorry that I enjoy being happy and can't sit around feeling sorry for myself every day for the rest of my life. I'm sorry that what happened, happened.

But what I should REALLY be sorry for?

The fact that I am now happy, and you're still stuck in your depressed mode.

You could fix it if you wanted to, if you really, really tried and made an effort.


I'm not sorry for that.

New blog

I made a new blog, because I never updated my old one. Here's hoping that with 2009, also comes more blogging!